8/25- The Passing Days

Its been fun being here in Denver, temptingly so. Since I handed over the keys to Julie's house last Monday its been a simple matter of time before I headed off again. In that time the last of my arrangings were made. Reorganized my pack, organized a ride-along pack to go in Penney and Robert's truck for things I wouldn't normally carry, but wouldn't mind having if weight isn't an issue. A tent for instance. The time was steadily coming in this past week, though, where I either needed to get a job and an apartment and quit what I'm doing on the road, or get back on the road. That decision got a little dragged out.

I liked being here with all my friends. I was alternating this last week between staying at Ang's watching movies and rented TV shows and staying at Loreli's doing my best to lessen the craziness packed into each and every one of her days. Izzy started school toward the end of the week, Loreli had her many classes to attend, errands needed to be done, and the house needed to be kept relatively clean. This was mutually beneficial for she and I because I'd get to use her car to help her with her many drops, so then I was able to settle up the last of my things to take care of.

Todd also swung through for a day on his way to Wyoming. He, Eric, and I spent Monday and Tuesday catching up with one another before he set off north on his new adventures. It was an interesting, and brief, reconnection with him on this passing through. We still have plans to meet up with one another at the end of the year to travel South America together, but it was clear between each of us that we were both definitely on our own separate courses now. It felt good and clear, but some what odd at the same time.

I also was able to finally connect with my friend Rachel who is extremely nomadic. She has been for four years now, the entire time I've known her, but she has a portable job to go with it. It was great connecting with her as she struggles hard to finally get some roots in somewhere, sometime, desperate for the stability at last while I gear up for looking to live the way she's trying to now escape.

By the end of the week it was appearing to me more and more that it was time to go. I was only waiting on my last get together with Greg before everything I'd come to Denver to do felt done. In the meantime, I was having a good time feeling rooted again. On the flip side, I knew that if I decided to stop now and re-root once more that it would probably be less than a week after getting a job and an apartment once again that I'd be wondering what the hell I was doing with myself. On the whole, it was an interesting observation to make for me.

Once I met with Greg for a brief dinner Sunday evening I had fully come to realize I'd lost my thread. I was also realizing I had only lost it recently, more accurately, this past week. It was that calm and relaxation of spending day to day fucking around with my friends that had shaken it from my grasp. My draw to Seattle is still very much there, but it lessened a bit in being present in my brain. My sense of purpose in what I've keenly following fell away some and was beginning to seem theoretical rather than real anymore. All of this lead me to decide to leave Denver on Monday.

Penney and Robert have returned from New Mexico, but are spending much of the next week or so working on their truck. I realized I could hang out in Denver continuing to have fun with my friends until they are ready if it wasn't for the reasons I just mentioned. Monday, I put the finishing touchs on everything I needed before leaving then set off to Dazbog where Ang was working a mid. It was her first day going back to college after work so I wanted to see her once more before leaving and wish her luck. I was really glad I did, because just catching a bus into the mountains without saying any goodbyes felt really off.

Once she left work for class I caught a commuter bus to Evergreen, where Penney and Robert are temporarily living. The idea was mainly to just duck into the mountains for the week in the same way Todd and I ducked into Bash Bish for three days back in Mass, but also to be nearby if they took me up on my offer to help out on the truck. I got in last night around 6pm to heavy clouds rolling in off the mountains and no idea of where to go. It was a pretty stupid plan.

A brief bit of scouting about, however, lead me to a nice rock outcropping where I could bunk down for the night. I hit up the nearby Conoco for the familiar ritual of getting water for cooking and cleaning that night. Once settled in to my rock I laid my pack down and just sat... for a while. It wasn't even meditation type of sitting, but more that thousand yard stare. It was a very clear expression of knowing I now had nothing to distract me, time enough to reflect on any and all of my thinking, no obligations in the world, and no real clue as to what I was now doing up in the foothills with nothing to do when all my friends are only thirty miles away. We'll see if that settles itself out.

As Todd would say, I've hit somewhat of a reset button, though this time I didn't really realize I'd hit it. It was more of an accidental nudge of a reset button that I'm now trying to figure out what to do with. Reading Todd's new site I'm happy to see he's back having a blast running around Wyoming, South Dakota, and heading for North Dakota by the looks of it. He's slid right back into the groove of travel as if its been held back from him these past weeks. I think the trick for me right now is to accept this week as my break for myself.

Being here, just today, its been much more relaxing than when I got off the bus last night. An email from Robert suggesting places to camp on the walk out here from Denver made me realize, why the hell didn't I walk out here from Denver and save the $5 from the bus? I've been at the library most of the day reading, but also contemplating what to do next. I've thought of walking back to Denver to get the bag to go in their truck. I've also thought of walking down back roads from here and head to Seattle now, then have Penney and Robert pick me up on their way out from where ever I am. It seems to be the most complicated thing to me to just stay here and sit for a few days.

Alas, my lessons to learn.